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Your marriage is falling apart and has been for a few years now. You have done everything in your power to keep this from happening, but divorce is looking like your new reality—one you are not proud talking about. Now is not the time to hide your feelings. You knew it was coming. You are not prepared to go down with a sinking ship, are you? You also knew that you and your partner are no longer in love. Seeing a future with divorce in it is not where you want to be in your life, but it’s no surprise that’s for sure. At this stage in your life, you just want it to all go away, but you know that is not going to happen because there is a process. Although, you want nothing but your dignity intact, you find it odd that your partner is moving on with their life as if you have been divorced for a while. In a few months, your life will be yours again; no partner or anyone waiting for you when you get home. There may have been a few times where you both fought for the marriage to work; but something happened and there was a loss of interest on both sides. You simply had more issues than you would have liked that need to be worked out. And face it, there were days when you acted and lived like you were divorced, if not just roommates. Pretending nothing was wrong was how you lived for years. One person cannot make their relationship work. It has to take you both working together for it to be successful. I understand that no one gets married to end up divorced down the road. Now that you see that your marriage is not going to survive, you must plan to move on in this world without your partner— the person who you thought you would be connected to for a lifetime.

Just because your marriage is over does not mean you are not worthy of love or  experiencing a loving relationship with a caring partner. At this stage, it does not matter who was right and who was wrong. It’s over. Picking yourself up and focusing on things that make you feel good should be your new focus. If the reality is your marriage is over and both you and your partner agree to call it quits, move on. You both gave it your best shot, and some relationships come to an unhappy ending.

What are your goals for the future? Where do you see yourself after divorce? These are the new concerns in your head not to mention deciding if you will start dating once your divorce is final. You have options. Divorce does not, and will not, define who you are. If you have been unhappy for some time, see this as a new opportunity to getting your happiness back. Focusing on the “new you” after divorce should also be front and center in your mind. For some, divorce opens doors and a new life that they were not able to have while married. It is starting over for sure. No matter what your spiritual beliefs are when it comes to marriage and divorce, you must not beat yourself up over the relationship not working out. As I said earlier, it takes two working together to make a relationship work. For some divorce means the end and for others it is a welcomed blessing for an unhappy ending and new beginning.

Now that you know divorce is your new reality, you should be doing everything in your power to set yourself up for success. The hard part is soon to be behind you, and you have the rest of your life ahead of you. What have you learned from your marriage? I am sure you have more than enough experience that you can take with you on your new journey. What caused your marriage to fail? What could you have done differently to increase its success? Sure, these are great questions to ask yourself while you are going through it in your marriage. However, for you it’s far too late for your marriage, but not for a future relationship. This is why those questions are still important.

Understanding you will have good days and bad days over the marriage not working out is normal, but it will get better … you will feel better over time. You did not get to this place overnight so don’t expect your fears, hurt, and pain to be gone once your divorce is final. Your blender of emotions may or may not be on display around those you love and that’s okay. You deserve a break …  time to work things out in your mind. What helps when you find yourself facing divorce is to do things that make you feel good — things that for sure will take your mind off everything and allow you to breath and relax. Know family and friends will want to see you happy and will try to get you back out in the dating world because they don’t want to see you alone. They may feel uncomfortable seeing you without your partner. There is no need to be angry; just let your loved ones and friends know what is best for you even if that is taking a break from finding someone new. Time is the key here — time to heal, time to rest and reset, relax nothing more.

Below is a list of things you can do to prepare for your new life as a single person:

  • Start looking for a new place to make your own.
  • If you are not moving, start boxing away your partner’s things.
  • Remodel your new place to fit the new you.
  • Take up a hobby, something that relaxes you.
  • Surround yourself with people that support and love you.

You are on your way to a whole new life; you must embrace it with good energy leaving all the old negative feelings behind you along with the pain and hurt. Life, as you know, is what you make it. So this is the time to make a new,  amazing you.