Drug use harms the whole family, as well as other close people. Living with a person who takes drugs is difficult, tense relationships and conflicts arise between family members that negatively affect everyone in this atmosphere.
Sometimes relatives, especially the family, begin to blame themselves, believing that they did something wrong. In such a situation, you remembered that the choice is made by the addicts themselves, not their friend, brother, husband/wife or anyone else.
Some people think that it is impossible to help an addicted person. Although you can and should find help and get treatment. A person who is not indifferent to you, whom you love, can be saved if they learn to live without drugs. It is often very difficult to give up drugs alone, so a person who uses drugs needs the help and support of relatives and friends, as well as specialists.
You may be the first to notice that someone close to you is using drugs. There are a lot of options: rehab for couples (check at AddictionResource), drug hotline, or rehabilitation center. However, in the very beginning, you need to recognize the addiction. So, if you ever wondered how to help your loved one if they became addicted to drugs, here are some tips.
1. Stay up to date.
You cannot fight an enemy you do not know. Find more information about drugs and their effects: how drugs affect a person, how to understand how serious the problem is, and what treatment and care options are available.
A drug addict often reacts with the words: “You have no idea what I feel,” “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” “You don’t understand.” Therefore, gather information so that you can have a conversation. “I don’t have my own experience, but they I’ve read that …”, “I found a test that will help to understand how serious the problem is, maybe you want to pass it?” etc.
Motivating a loved one to seek help and accept it is hard. However, every small step towards problem awareness and change matters. And although in rare cases a person can refuse drugs themselves, refusal to use with the support of family, relatives and specialists will be more likely.
If your loved one decides to accept help and receive treatment, participate, if possible, in all dependent services offered to relatives, for example, support groups, consultations or drug rehab for families. Counselors of people who use drugs and their loved ones provide information, learn to support and at the same time not to forget about their own needs.
Addiction is a chronic disease in which relapses are not uncommon. Do not have high hopes at once – people with addiction problems may break down many times and need re-treatment until they finally give up drugs. This is what you should accept.
2. Talk to a person and try to understand how serious the situation is.
If this is done correctly, then a discussion will help both the person who uses drugs and their family. Starting a conversation and maintaining it is very difficult for both you and them. Find the right time and place to talk. Here are some tips on what to look for during a conversation:
- Try not to blame. The charge will not solve the problem and can ruin the relationship. Resist the temptation to give a lecture on how to behave and how to live correctly, although the temptation can be great.
- Keep calm and be patient. Decide that you will remain calm in any case, even if the interlocutor deceives you or behaves too emotionally. Confirm that your goal is a discussion, not a quarrel.
- Show that you worry about a loved one, that their health and well-being are important to you. Confirm that you will always be there if they need support or help.
- Let them speak and listen carefully. Ask to describe their feelings and thoughts and listen to what they say.
- Control your emotions and reactions. Consider how to stay calm even if during a conversation a person admits something bad.
- Let them know that they are responsible for their actions. They should understand that no one will take responsibility for their actions and consequences.
- Be honest, show your feelings.
- People who take drugs do not always understand how their behavior affects others. Keep calm and express empathy.
3. Remember that failure does not mean defeat.
Most addicts who have stopped drinking at least once in their life break down and become addicted again. Relapses cannot be considered failures: it may take years to master the patterns of behavior necessary to get rid of addiction and acquire the skills of a normal independent life. And although relapses cause a feeling of hopelessness, studies show that most people who seek treatment eventually stop taking drugs completely. Couples rehab can be a great option for you and a loved one to start a treatment again.
4. Take care of yourself.
The use of drugs by a loved one inevitably affects you. Worrying about a loved one, you can forget about yourself or stop giving importance to your appearance, relationships, interests or hobbies. This weakens a person, along with their ability to support a loved one who has problems with drugs. Do not forget about yourself – the main rule of help is that you first need to help yourself, and only then you can help others
My daughter has been an addict for over 15 years and let me tell you it has CONSUMED me! I have criss-crossed over every response known to humans; anger, worry, fear, dread, apathy, to giving her the silent treatment for months at a time, to letting her do drugs as long as I wasn’t a witness, to love, hate, enabling, punishing, yada yada; you name it, I am an expert in the action/ reaction equation.
NOTHING I have ever said, done or given is more potent than that intoxicating lure of dancing with the devil just one more time…metaphoricaly speaking.
It took me forever to finally accept that even the infinite strength of a Mother’s love is no match for the enticement. I am powerless. I cannot “fix” her or save her from herself. I can only save myself, I can only fix me and worry about what this does to ME. I
In order to do that, I have had to wrestle with the impossible…to disengage emotionally no matter the outcome or mayhem it causes her life.
I still and always will worry about her, wish the best for her and love her with all my heart, while also being very aware that any second now, making funeral arrangements will be the last act of love this Mother can do which isn’t for or about her…it’s for those of us she left behind who still remain helpless and in pain.
Compassionate advice for supporting loved ones battling drug addiction. Practical tips handle difficult situations.