Share

“I love the Lord, but it’s REAL out here as a single person!” –Chanel Nicole Scott


Now y’all know I love to get naked and honest when talking about this relationship thang! So I considered it a privilege to sit down with the lovely, intelligent “Queen of Relationship Talk,” Author, Host, Executive Producer, and CEO Chanel Nicole Scott! For the past decade, Ms. Scott has committed herself to helping men & women have real, meaningful conversations about relationships to bring us closer together – No battle of the sexes BS here!

As a Host and Executive Producer, Chanel has created several hit shows such as CheMinistry, her bestselling book Relationships Matter, Relationships Matter Podcast, and her new hit show Crowned, starring herself alongside Vivica A. Fox, Syleena Johnson, and Lore’l, Chanel has educated and helped thousands of men and women, but nothing compares to getting one on one, uncut and uncensored with the lady herself! Here are juicy tidbits of wisdom she gave:

What’s one of the main things that you see as a woman talking to women, that may be hindering women from having a healthy relationship?

I don’t think women realize that the man is on a journey as well. He has goals, purpose and all these things he’s trying to achieve as well! So if you go into a situation having unrealistic expectations, like ‘I want you to provide, and do this and that,’ know that he has a right to vet the situation too. You have to bring something to the table too. It can’t be ME ME ME ME ME and nothing about him. Because He is His first priority. You are not his first priority! That’s the one thing that I believe is the most problematic for women, going into a relationship with the wrong idea of what a man is supposed to do. He has to make sure that this is a good fit for him as well. And that’s not something women talk about a lot. It’s almost as if the man is not human, doesn’t have dreams, desires, wants… it’s just about you, and it doesn’t wor k that way.

Something I’m learning later in life is that men have feelings too! I was always like, ‘He’s good… He can handle it…” No, Nooooooo! He has feelings and emotions too.That’s part of just being able to be more compassionate and create a safe space for that man. That’s not something we always do. We expect him to be like a robot and not feel anything. And for a long time, and not until I started partnering with Josh Powell on the Relationships Matter Podcast…I was oblivious to that! It went over my head! I was like, ‘Oh He got feelings? Oh that bothered Him? Oh really?!’ I learned that while partnering with my host, Josh Powell.

What’s something that you’ve noticed keeps women from committing or is a major fear/concern for women?

I think one of the things, at least for me, is being understood. You know when you say, ‘WE NEED TO TALK…’ that’s automatically a RED FLAG for men. Y’all are like, ‘WHAT DID I DO??!!’ I think it’s the fear of us being vulnerable, being transparent and really letting that man know how we truly feel. Especially at the beginning of a relationship. We kinda just want to go with the flow. We don’t want to create any waves. We want to come off as that cool-chick, you know, so we seem like we’re just cool. When in fact, there are things we’re excited about, or just want to know like; ‘Where are we going? Are we being intentional? What are we doing?’ It’s like OH MY GOD!! Because without the real conversation, we try to interpret it by what he’s doing. Like…’Well, he calls me and we go out,’ but we haven’t had the conversation about the direction of the relationship because we’re afraid to turn him off. And since we don’t want to turn him off…we just kind of tread lightly. The problem with that is, once these emotions and questions build up, now we’re all over the place like blowing up a balloon and letting it go without tying it at the bottom! Then our emotions are all over the place and then the man is looking at us like, ‘YOU’RE CRAZY WOMAN!’ When, in fact, it’s just that now we’re implosive. We’ve held it in for so long that it looks like we’re all over the place.

What’s a good relationship success story that you’ve heard of two people coming together?

I did an interview with actress April Parker Jones and her husband Jay. Just listening to their story,I was so intrigued because how they came together was very purposeful. Jay was doing work on stageplays and Broadway and met April on a job. What I like most about their story is his full intentionality. He was someone else when they met, and he was known as a ladies’ man, but as they started spending time together they both knew they had found their person. He immediately went to the young lady he was seeing, and honestly let her know that he had found the person he wanted to be with. Jay never led her on or tried to juggle two relationships. He identified! I love when I hear a person identify, discern, and know that THIS IS MY PERSON. He was sure. You don’t really hear that surety all the time because the way men and women connect is so different. When women connect with men, if we believe this is the one, we will put everything on hold to make the relationship work. Whereas a man could think you’re beautiful, and an amazing person but if he ain’t ready…HE AIN’T READY. And ladies there’s nothing you can do to make him be ready! This is my thought process. I feel like men don’t always marry the love of their lives. When you men decide within yourself, it has nothing to do with a woman. When you decide you’re ready to settle down and be in a relationship, you typically choose who’s right before you. That’s why you get these situations where a woman will say, ‘God! As soon as we broke up he married Her, but I was dating him for 5 years and he never married me!?’HE WASN’T READY!”


Alright Chanel, give your opinion in this hypothetical scenario: One woman has two guys she’s trying to decide which one to have a serious relationship with. Guy # 1 has been her friend for a while, and they’re great to one another. There’s some attraction. He’s a perfect gentleman, he’s always there for her, but they’ve been JUST FRIENDS with no romantic interaction. Guy #2 She’s head over heels for him and the sex is on fiyah!! Amazing chemistry. But he hasn’t said he wants to be with her exclusively. He’s not a “Dog,” and they see each other whenever they want… but she doesn’t know where it’s going. GO!!

First of all, THE FRIEND IS NOT HER PERSON! If he was her person then she would already be in a relationship. There is something that’s not connected–Either sexual chemistry or something. I have friends like that, and I’m not going to settle if I know this is not the one for me. I’m just speaking from experience. When I was in my 20’s I had a guy like that. He was my homeboy, we were cool… but the chemistry wasn’t there. I wasn’t fully attracted to him for one reason or another. But I tried it anyway. And whenever you get into these situations where you try it anyway, but you know in your heart they’re not what you want, it won’t work. Now for the one you’re sexing like crazy, You need to ask him ‘WHAT’S UP??!’ We need to be intentional! This is where I talk about good communication. For her to have sex with him on a regular basis without a commitment means she sees Him as more valuable than she sees herself. She’s attaching her value to him and living vicariously in what she thinks the relationship could be, rather than asking him what it really is. I hate it when women do that, I have been guilty of that and that is because we value that man more than we value ourselves. PERIOD!”

For the full raw, fun, spicy, and extremely informative interview with Chanel Nicole Scott, “the Queen of Relationship Talk” please log onto your SHEEN MAGAZINE APP NOW to watch it in its entirety!

And be sure to connect with CHANEL NICOLE SCOTT on all of her social media platforms: @chanelnicolescott @relationshipsmatterlive

 

 

Photo Credit: Derek Blanks